So many of us struggle as families
We're angry and exhausted. Our homes, stuffed full of crazy clutter, are in chaos. And we're constantly on tenterhooks to avoid explosive tantrums and rows. Even violence.
Horribly, too many of us - parents and children - feel like failures amongst those we love. And we blame ourselves for our failure.
Failing As Families
But the truth is, it is not us, or our children, who are the problem. It is rather, the way we all live now.
In the endless rush of over busy lives many of us struggle because many of us are NOT wired to live at this speed. Not happily. Not without consequences. Not without pain.
And for many, if not most of us, the simple secret of a happier family life is to find some slack and slow down.
The Missing Core Of Family Life
It might sound naive to say slowing down is the answer when we're seriously struggling with parenting. Or too silly and airy-fairy for words!!
But there is science behind it.
Slowing down unlocks the lost core of childhood, parenting and family life many of us are missing out on.
It is that missing core that makes so many of us feel so miserable.
Simple Ways To Slow Down
Luckily there are super simple but super powerful ways to slow down as kids and parents and rediscover the joy at the heart of family life.
And I have for you here 12 slow parenting tips you can weave into your family life easily to do just that.
I hope they help. I would love to hear your stories and thoughts.
1. Walk Everywhere You Can
Walk everywhere you can as a family.
Or cycle or scoot.
Give yourself time to chat, wander, balance on walls, scuffle through leaves, catch up with neighbours and simply dawdle along.
It sounds too simple to make a difference but the benefits of walking are huge for kids and adults.
As research shows walking more daily can boost children's :
- Creativity
- Mood
- Focus
- Engagement.
And walking more can prevent and ease anxiety, depression and stress.
If you and your kids don't walk for at least 30 minutes a day, check out all these ideas for walking more.
Those 30 minutes truly can transform family health!!
2. Enjoy A Clutter Free Home
Even a little bit of decluttering can make family life calmer and happier.
We used to totter constantly on the precipice of complete chaos, in all our crazy clutter. Sound familiar?
And all that chaos, made our home somewhere to escape from not somewhere warm and nurturing.
But by letting go of our crazy clutter - a box or so a week will do it - we created a space the whole family could enjoy being together in.
If you struggle to clear clutter, try these gentle declutter tips.
3. Get Outside Lots
Fresh air is medicine for family life and more time outdoors first thing, is the best single remedy for :
- Poor sleep
- Out of control behaviour
- Lethargy
- And anger.
Basically, our body clock can NOT work properly without time outside.
The suprachiasmatic nucleus in our brain which controls our sleep is set by daylight every morning.
But in our hectic lives, whizzing kids around in cars, we all miss out.
So carve out at very least an hour outdoors every single day.
That doesn't mean rushing off to fancy organised activities.
It can just mean :
- Breakfast outdoors
- A play in the park before school
- Walking to school (see above!!)
- Reading stories outdoors
- Doing homework outside
- Or any of these super easy, no-prep fun outdoor activities for kids.
If your family struggles with sleep this slow parenting tweak is life changing.
4. Boldly Go
Our job as parents is to give our kids the experiences they need to go bravely and boldly where they have never been before by themselves.
And we are not talking here about fancy-priced adventure activities!!
But rather the steady stretching of boundaries so they can do more and more everyday stuff on their own.
It's the simple stuff from using a sharp knife in the kitchen to nipping to the corner store for bread.
The little things that get missed when life is too hectic to slow down and show them how and we are whizzing them everywhere by car.
But this little stuff has huge impact.
If we don't give our kids the time - week in, week out - to stretch the boundaries of independence they will bash against them in furious frustration, hurting themselves & us.
So on a regular basis we need to slow down and ask : what did my kids do bravely this month by themselves they hadn't done before?
And then take the time to weave little independence boosting activities into their daily lives.
For easy inspiration read this guide to building kids confidence which is full of ideas on :
- Playing independently
- Running errands
- Meeting neighbours
- Taking themselves places
- Freedom with friends
- Caring for others
- Staying home alone.
5. Make Time For Gentler, Calmer Transitions
Our worship of the god of busy has made parenting a high wire act.
We live in constant fear of falling.
And getting out and getting there can trigger explosive family fights.
It's chaos. No one can find stuff. We're anxious we'll be late. And the children always play up.
Except they don't. Not really.
It's just that transitions are hard for kids. Especially some kids. And we make them a whole lot worse.
If getting out the door is open warfare with the kids every day :
- Clear clutter from your hall.
- Store essential core stuff carefully, even if everything else is chucked away in a cupboard in a jumble.
- Stay off all screens - including your own phone - for at least 30 minutes before leaving.
AND don't defy the laws of physics: child time is slower, so they won't put their shoes on at our speed.
Which doesn't mean we tolerate monkeying about but it is on us to create the time and space to focus on transition and channel calm, minus our best banshee impression!
And then later when we've got a moment - over a glass of wine - it's worth asking ourselves honestly : how can we be happier at home?
Being busy is part and parcel of work and school and life and can be fun.
But seriously over scheduling our family life can also be a way to escape the emptiness of home.
So don't forget to leave diary time to enjoy simply slowing down together in your own four walls daily to :
- Cook dinner
- Read books
- Play games
- Make music
- Sing songs doing chores.
And to make memories doing fun projects as a team at home :
- Paint the front door
- Paint the fence
- Decorate a room
- Put on a show with costumes
- Dig a pond
- Lay a path
- Grow fruit
- Grow vegetables
- Have a garage sale
- Build garden furniture
- Service bikes
- Camp out in the garden etc.
6. Share Stories As A Family
Sitting down to share stories together gives the whole family time to slow down and really rest.
And telling stories is one of the most powerful ways we humans have always connected as families as we are at our very core story tellers.
So keep reading aloud even when kids can read fluently and make up silly or scary or sweetly sentimental stories that in turn encourage children to craft their own tales.
For great family reads check out these book lists for all ages.
7. Leave Kids Alone To Play
Daily time for free play is as critical to child development as good sleep.
Is is the essential space in which kids process everything they learn daily about themselves and their world.
But lots of school age kids don't get a daily dose because they are too busy. Or they lose it to screens.
So scale back on the screens and the over-scheduling of over-organised activities and let them play.
When we do step back we can see for ourselves the mind blowing power of children's imagination.
Left to their own devices, the kids on our street have time hopped their way through intergalatic history with a few battered crates, an old flower pot and some bean poles!!!
It was glorious and hilarious to see.
So don't forget to give your kids time daily for the freedom to play.
8. Be An Open House For Neighbourhood Kids
Free play is even more fun for our children with other kids around.
But our car crammed streets make it incredibly hard for kids to play out with neighbours these days.
The answer is NOT occasional, over organised "play dates" or once in a blue moon closed "play streets".
But rather finding informal ways with other parents on the block to make it easy and natural again for kids to go and knock on a friends door and ask that time-honoured question "Do you want to come out to play?"
It might need a few secret background texts between parents initially to see who's in and who's free but just nudge it along enough to become a hands off habit.
9. Burn Off Sugar
Sugar wreaks havoc with family life as by messing with kids adrenalin levels it sabotages their ability to:
- Enjoy focused play
- Calm down
- And sleep.
It is also addictive.
Hence the constant begging for more and the horrible spiral of please - please - no tantrums.
But cutting out all sugar isn't a realistic goal for most families, so how do we break the cycle?
The easiest option is to save up sugary treats for that big daily dose of outdoor fun all kids need.
A sugary snack gets burned off fast if kids enjoy it just before :
- Scooting back from school
- Rampaging round the park
- Heading out into the garden for hours of fun free play with neighbourhood kids.
So do keep trying to slash sweet stuff but in the meantime stick religiously to the only eat sugar outdoors rule.
10. Involve Them In Your Life
Most of us, if honest, spend lots of our time trying to avoid our kids!!!
We depend on screens, childcare, grandparents or some latest toy or gadget to keep them out of our hair so we can get on with our lives.
But children aren't daft.
They know we do it to them and they crave genuine time with us.
They are also incredibly interested - given the chance - in what we do.
So slow down and day in, day out let them join in your everyday life both at home and in the community :
- Cooking dinner
- Unpacking shopping
- Mopping floors
- Vacuuming
- Mowing the lawn
- Cleaning the windows
- Delivering leaflets to neighbours
- Organising parties
- Decluttering garage
- Planning holidays.
If we take the chance to chat they'll even sort socks!! Honestly, it's true.
It takes longer but if we welcome them into our real lives we stop wasting time creating an artificial and at heart empty world for them.
11. Share Your Skill
Parenting is all about teaching but many of us in today's world have lost confidence in ourselves as teachers.
This isn't a cry for home schooling just a call to believe in ourselves again so we can know the joy of passing on special skills to our kids.
It can be anything at all that we ourselves enjoy doing well :
- Baking cakes
- Changing a tyre
- Whistling
- Juggling
- Bowling googlies
- Playing the guitar
- Dancing a fandango!!
We share, in a precious exchange between parent and child, some of our past and often our parents past that our kids can take into the future.
And so by sharing skills with our children we reach, as parents, across time in a profoundly beautiful way.
12. Connecting With The Rhythm Of The Seasons
Life chucks lots at our families.
We all face sickness and death and sometimes cruel and heartrending disasters, natural and man made.
But constantly chasing progress and success in today's hurry-scurry busy world doesn't really give us great tools to cope with pain or trouble.
Connecting our lives more deeply to the natural world and the constant passing of the seasons can NOT protect us from pain or sorrow.
But deep connections with the changing seasons can help us experience grief without falling into the trap of destructive despair.
So take the time as a family to mark the rhythms of new life and loss in every year :
- Sow bulbs in fall for spring flowers.
- Plant a little fruit tree and be stunned every year by its blossom.
- Grow sunflowers, pumpkins & zucchini and collect the seeds.
- Have big family days out to the pick your own farm for strawberries, apples, peaches & plums.
- Squeeze a few raspberry canes into a corner of the backyard.
- Forage for wild blackberries & whip up your fave blackberry recipes.
- Collect fallen conkers & acorns.
- Sweep up dead leaves for a bonfire.
- Collect pine cones & holly for lovely natural Christmas ornaments.
... & turn into family traditions.
Simple Next Steps
So there we go, 12 seriously simple but surprisingly powerful slow parenting ideas to help you and your children enjoy family life more :
- Walk everywhere you can.
- Enjoy a clutter free home.
- Get loads of fresh air daily.
- Help kids boldly go on their own where they haven't been before.
- Gentler, calmer transitions.
- Read & tell stories together.
- Leave kids alone for free play.
- Ask neighbours kids to play, lots.
- Save sugar for outdoors.
- Let them help you.
- Share how to do stuff you do well.
- Create family traditions outside in the passing of the seasons.
Do give them a go ... and please do share with others ...
If these ideas struck a chord do check out my other other slow parenting posts and follow me on Pinterest ...
Original image sources : Vanessa Pike-Russell & Donnie Ray Jones Nithi Anand.
